Feedback   Becc Carters's Stories   Fanfic by Author

"Daniel?"

A soft voice gently rouses me out of a restless sleep. I don't need to open my eyes, I know who is standing beside my bed in the infirmary softly calling out to me. And it isn't Sha're. It will never be Sha're. The realisation hits me, and it hits me hard. Turning onto my side I heard sobs being choked out by someone obviously in a great deal of pain.

"Oh, Daniel..."

She speaks again and I hear her move closer to the bed. Her footsteps are slow and cautious. But why? The tormented soul continues to grieve and, being so detached from everyone and everything, only then do I realise I am that soul. No wonder my visitor is unsure of how to react. To pull me into a tight hug and whisper that it would all be okay. To give me time to grieve and let me be. I know when the tables had been turned on us a while back I'd been just as unsure. When I'd finally attempted to give comfort, I'd been treated as though I hadn't even been there. But this wasn't payback. Wiping my damp cheek, I turn over onto my back and sit up slightly. I manage a smile smile that I hope says, "See, I'm okay, really."

But still she keeps her distance. The fear and pain evident on her features.

When I am able to speak without the fear of breaking down again, I speak so softly I can barely hear myself. "I, ah.." I pause and take a deep breath before continuing, "I guess I expected to see Sha're. I'm sorry I scared you, Sam."

But Sam hears and nods sadly. She then moves to sit beside me without even trying to deny that I'd sent a wave of panic through her. The bed dips a little as she settles on the mattress and takes my hand in her own. "It's okay, Daniel. I've just never seen you cry before. It did scare me a little."

I smile at her and squeeze her hand.

"Okay, a lot." Sam admits quietly.

"You know, it still unsettles _me_ to see _you_ cry," I tell her as past events come flooding back. Shaking my head in an attempt to erase the memories, I then gesture at the book she holds firmly in her free hand, looking for any opportunity to change the subject.

Sam glances down at the book in her hand, taking the hint, "Hammurabi," She says as she hands it to me.

I nod slowly, "The sixth king of the first Babylonian dynasty...." I pause and look at her suspiciously, "Ah, does this have something to do with a Goa'uld or...?"

Sam laughs, "I heard Janet's making you stay here over-night and I thought you might like something to read. I scanned your bookcase and noticed how well-read this was.."

I can't help but notice she sounds almost embarrassed to admit she's been in my lab. As though she'd just been caught snooping. It's okay, Sam. I occasionally scan your bookcase for something different to read. Not that I usually end up getting much further than the first page.

"It's an extremely fascinating book. You should try reading it sometime." I manage to stop myself before explaining Hammurabi's code to Sam, as welcoming as the distraction would be.

"Tell you what, you read one of my astrophysics books cover to cover and I'll read that."

Point taken.

"Thank you for thinking of me," I say, turning serious again as I hold the book up briefly before letting it drop onto my lap. I move my palm over the front of the book in an attempt to smooth the worn cover.

"Hey, no problem. Just do the same for me next time I'm cooped up in here and we're even."

"Done."

Silence fills the room. I glance down at the book I now hold in my hands and then back up at Sam to find her looking elsewhere. The awkwardness is back. I'm sorry I'm putting the team through this. If Janet would only let me retreat to my quarters to grieve alone. I don't need to be in here. I'm in emotional not physical pain. Keeping me in for "observation" won't help. I just need time alone. As if sensing my want for privacy, Sam turns back to me, squeezes my hand once more and then stands to leave.

"We're on downtime until tomorrow. I guess the General doesn't believe we're capable of going on a mission without you."

I smile at her words, as untrue as they are.

"Look after yourself, Daniel," She pauses and then smirks as she adds, "We'll all be thinking of you as we gather at the Colonel's tonight to play poker."

"And always remember, we'll all do the same for you next time you're in here."

Sam gives me one of her brightest smiles, obviously relieved that I'm still capable of joking, murmurs a "'Night, Daniel." And then she's gone. I settle back, and let myself think of my wife. It's hard now she's _really_ gone and the hope of finding her is no longer there. But I have my memories and if morpheus allows it, she'll still be in my dreams. And even though one search has ended, there's now a child out there. Somewhere. Sha're's child. So, she'll never really be gone and hope in some form will always be there. But I'll forever miss her.

THE END

Feedback? please? ::waves chocolate covered clones around:: More Notes: I was inspired to write a Danny fic after having some recent wonderful Danny discussions with a friend who finally understands my 'stargate thing'. Of course, being unable to push Sam into the background, I had to include her. Plus I really love the Sam/Daniel friendship.

I know the post-FiaD fics have been done but not by me nyah.

October 22 2000