Feedback   Rach L's Stories   Fanfic by Author

Risorrezione e Fede
by Rach L.

CATEGORY: Angst. A sort of loose post-Shade of Grey fic. D/S friendship.
SPOILERS: Shade of Grey. Teeny tiny bits from Torment of Tantalus, Gamekeeper and FIAD.
RATING: PG? Not sure.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Some discussions on Christianity.
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis. Stargatefan. Sandra's site. Statistical Outliers. Others? Sure, just send me a line where.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters. And I'm grossly poor. So suing me wouldn't help anything...*g*
AUTHOR'S NOTES: My second fic! (yes, I'm counting!) Okay, some stuff to mention first. I made an assumption that Shade of Grey episode happened a week before Easter. This came out while I was attending church service for Good Friday. It's the proof that drinking too much diet coke is hazardous to our mental health. The discussion on Christianity is purely my opinion. I do attend church every Sunday and did actually read the Bible, but I can be a bit negative and skeptic from time to time. I hope I don't offend anyone with this. Thanks to Perri for her wonderful beta reading. Special thanks to Sandra. To my wonderful, wonderful friend Sandra, for telling me again and again that I can write. It might not be true, but it feels wonderful hearing it. You give me strength. Thank you so much.

Daniel was tired.

Post-mission. Driving home. Giving Sam a ride. She was talking, but he wasn't listening.

He was just too damn tired.

"...should go back to P3X731 again. The mineral deposit sample I took... Daniel, I want to tell you something important. Teal'c and I decided to get married."

"Ah, really?" he absently nodded, his eyes front and hands glued to the wheel, "that sounds interesting." Tired. Why was there so much traffic today? The astonishingly deep indigo sky was distracting his mind from driving. The sun was setting slowly and every object the sunlight touched lit with an orange shimmer. The western sky glowed in a gold and amber twilight.

It would've been a real nice day out. One beautiful sunny day in spring. Normal people would've gone to family picnics and BBQ parties to celebrate. Maybe that was the reason there were so many cars now, all coming back from one happy day outside. People might think he and Sam were coming back from a picnic-day, too. Yeah, right. P3X731. A real picnic spot until you had to haul your butt out from the 'misunderstood' natives.

Tired.

The sudden soft chuckle from Sam brought him out of his musings. "Daniel, you didn't hear a word I said, did you?"

What...? "Oh, uh," Daniel quickly glanced at his friend sitting in the passenger seat, "I'm sorry, Sam. What were you saying?"

"Never mind," her bemused voice answered. "You sure you're up to driving? You look really tired. I can drive," she suggested lightly.

He pushed up the glassed that had been sliding down. "I'm fine." No, he wasn't, but Sam didn't need to know that. Then he quickly added for her sake, "Don't worry. I'll try not to get us killed in a car accident."

That would be really something, Daniel thought ruefully, to die in a car accident when your job was probably the most dangerous profession in the history of Earth. After all, not so many people got a chance to travel through a mysterious extraterrestrial device, explore unknown alien cultures, get more than your share of ass-kicking by power-obsessed, obnoxious aliens, and occasionally experience even more extravagant weirdness such as aging way too fast, going Neanderthal or schizophrenic. Compared to those, a car accident sounded almost boring.

When did he start to think death of any kind could be boring?

"Well, then. My life is in your hands."

Sam sounded serious, but Daniel didn't have to turn his head and look at her face to know that she was smiling. "You know what Jack would say to that. 'Carter, there're safer, practical ways to guarantee your death.' " He tried to answer playfully, mimicking Jack's voice.

Jack. He didn't want to think about Jack.

A stop sign.

Crossroad. A family was passing the pedestrian cross. He watched as two young blond kids ran across the crosswalk, laughing blissfully. A couple who seemed to be their parents followed them, hands in hands, smiling broadly.

Family.

He didn't want to think about that either.

The family reached the other side of the road and waved at Daniel and Sam, shouting, "Happy Easter!" Sam answered back, grinning, "Happy Easter!"

Happy Easter...? Ah, right. Today was Good Friday.

Easter.

Hmm, that was finally something safe to think about. Not happy families, not Jack, Easter. A feast that commemorates Christ's resurrection. Resurrection from death.

Now, there was an interesting thought.

He slowed down the car and gave Sam a quick glance, "Sam, someone resurrected from the dead nearly two thousand years ago--someone who said he was the Son of God. Why does that sound so familiar?"

Sam sharply turned her face to him, "You think..."

His brain started to work. "Well, there could've been a sarcophagus. Pretending to be the Son of God... Well, okay, it sounds a bit less ambitious than the usual Goa'uld MO, but it's not entirely impossible. He'd been buried inside a stone tomb and three days later, he suddenly rose from the dead. A stone tomb, Sam! 'Now Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those you are asleep.' First Corinthians 15: 20."

Maybe they should go and find the place Jesus had been buried or the place people suspected he'd been buried, and start digging. Who knew what they could find?

Get a grip, Daniel.

Sam shook her head, "Daniel, I don't think a Goa'uld would teach people that God is love. Or love thy enemy."

He tapped his fingers on the wheel, thinking. "Well, it could've been some guy who knew about a sarcophagus. Think about it, Sam. It *is* possible. I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but how else would you explain someone rising from the death? Well, that *is* under the assumption that the Bible is correct in his...resurrection and that this resurrection really took place." What a big assumption it was.

"You don't believe in God?" Sam asked with a quiet voice.

God, no. "Religion. You know how anthropology and sociology view religion. Well, I've never thought of it as more than an organization, an institution...like society. Only it provides people with the easy answer what the world is, and what we should do with our lives."

Manipulation, manipulation. Again, sounded familiar.

One word: Goa'ulds.

Sam bit her lips; that meant she was thinking, which also meant there'd be a long discussion ahead. Not that he was complaining, of course. She had to be the only person who enjoyed engaging him into interesting discussions and really paid attention to what he had to say. But for some reason, the thought of talking to Sam about his opinion on God made him uneasy.

"But I wasn't talking about religion, Daniel. I meant, do you believe in God? God, as in something divine?"

He shook his head. "After all this? I couldn't, even if I wanted to." Oh, oh, oh, wait a minute. "Uh, do *you*, Sam?" He couldn't hide the incredulity in his voice.

"I attend church services from time to time," came the careful, neutral answer.

Okay, that was a surprise. "Really?" He'd thought he knew Sam well; obviously, he didn't know about this particular side of her.

Sam grinned at his shocked expression. "Is it so hard to believe?"

He found himself stuttering a little, "Uh, no, well, yes. No. It's just that I didn't figure you to be a°¶religious type. I mean, you're an astrophysicist. Don't tell me you believe that God created the world in six days rather than the Nebular Theory."

"I didn't say I'm a faithful Christian, Daniel. I just said I attend church from time to time. People there--", there was a small smile tugging on her lips, "--well, at least some of the people there are happy to believe that."

Daniel tries not to sound too bitter. "How can people just believe that? I mean, if they just read the newspapers and think of all these things that are happening around the world...okay, *and* around the galaxy... You do realize that this God of ours doesn't seem to apply to the rest of the universe." He'd reached that conclusion after reading the Bible for three times as a cultural record. To him, the Bible was just another story written by some people, nothing more. It could be the truth, or based on some truth, or simply fiction. He'd never believed in God; at least not after that fateful day in the New York Museum of Art. And after seeing all those people in the galaxy oppressed under the name of faith and religion by Goa'ulds...

Oh, his burning doubt on existence of God just got fueled all right.

"Good question. How can people believe that?" Sam seemed to be thinking for a moment, then slowly she spoke again, "Well, Daniel, it's faith. Faith doesn't require logic or evidence."

Faith.

The word felt so foreign to him.

Tired.

"How do they know that's the absolute truth? There's so much evidence that says otherwise." Would people believe that Christ wasn't the Son of God if he provided them with evidence? Would he really *want* to 'enlighten' people in Christianity anyway? That would be fun, to go and shout at people, 'Hey, Christ isn't the Son of God, just an alien pretending to be the Son of God!'

Yeah, that would work really well.

Sam spoke earnestly, "Well, some people believe in science and some people believe in God. Sciences and theologies, they're just stories and they're all correct in their own rights. I think we all have our personal truth, personal stories. And we can't say whose story's right or wrong."

God, she was so devoted, honest and°¶passionate. After all those things that had happened, she still believed in something.

Faith.

"What are your absolute truths, Daniel?" She turned to face him with a genuine look of curiosity. He knew that look. She wanted to know. Yes, the discussion mode here. But he didn't want to talk about what he thought was his absolute truth.

Because there wasn't one in his life anymore.

"Well, I'm looking for it as we speak," he answered, trying to focus on the road ahead. They were finally approaching Sam's place. After dropping her off, he'd drop by to a grocery store over the corner, get some food and coffee, since everything in the freezer would be uneatable by now.

"You mean the meaning of the life stuff?" she persisted. "From Ernest's planet?"

He answered quickly, "Yeah."

No.

"You will find it. I know you will." She smiled in her usual reassuring way. "Oh, almost forgot. You coming to the Colonel's place tomorrow, right? An entire day of pizza, beer and hockey for us. It's been a while since our last get-together."

Yes, it'd been a while. Jack had been missing from this planet for three months. Then, for one seriously messed up week, Jack had been missing from Daniel's life.

"Oh, there," she pointing at an empty spot in the parking lot in front of her apartment, "stop right there. Thanks." She turned, her hand on the door, "So, you coming?"

"Uh, too tired. Probably I'll sleep in all day tomorrow."

He. Didn't. Want. To. Think. About. Jack.

"You sure?" she asked in a concerned voice as she got out from the car.

"Yes, I'm sure. Good night, Sam."

She looked at him uncertainly for full ten seconds, but finally said, "Good night," and closed the car door.

Tired.

He watched at her disappearing form for a while, waiting her to get into the apartment, but suddenly she stopped dead on her track. Turning back with an unfathomable expression, she marched to the car. Then she opened the door on his side and said, "Daniel, out."

Her Caribbean blue eyes were commanding him to do whatever she was saying. Okaaaay.

"Uh, Sam...?"

"C'mon. Get out of the car."

Yes, she would make an excellent commanding officer. Uncertainly, he followed her order. She shut the door behind him and grabbed his hand.

"You're going somewhere with me."

Ohhhhhhh. "Where?" Daniel tried not to flinch. Sam was his friend, one of the closest. Holding hands didn't mean anything except that they were close friends. Then why in hell was he blushing now?

"You'll see," she said with glittering eyes.

Without another word, she started to walk, her hand still holding his. Daniel was stunned to say the least, but followed her anyway.

It was warm for an April night; even the breeze felt warm against his skin. People were still walking on the street, enjoying the beautiful weather. He didn't know what to think about all this, but he wasn't going to think about anything anyway. Just enjoy the weather like others. When was the last time he came out for a walk? No thinking...just walk?

Probably...never.

They walked in silence until Sam started to speak again. "Daniel, when I said people believe in science and God, I also meant to say people can also believe in people."

Somehow I doubt that very much, Daniel thought. "Ah."

She spoke softly, "It's been a week, Daniel. Are you still angry with the Colonel?"

He'd known this was coming. But, dammit, he'd hoped he could avoid this. "I'm *not* angry with Jack," he answered too quickly. Damn it. He took a deep breath. "He didn't mean it. I know."

"Knowing has nothing to do with feeling. I knew he wasn't acting like himself, but I was angry. Thought he betrayed our trust and faith in him."

She turned to him, watching his reaction. "Is that what's bothering you?" Her voice was almost inaudible.

Faith.

He'd had the faith that he would find Sha're one day. She was gone now. He'd had the faith that Jack would always be his friend and his°¶family. In Daniel's mind, in his search for the way to stop the Goa'uld, there always had been Jack, Sam and Teal'c. They had been supposed to be together; that had been his absolute truth. Jack's 'fake' retirement, though, had taught Daniel how his faith could be crushed into nothing all so quickly, all so painfully fast... With Sha're, he'd known the odds for getting her back. But Jack... Jack's look when he cocked his head, holding his beer bottle, saying, 'Apparently not much of a foundation there, huh?'...

No foundation. Yes, Daniel had learned how fast the ground he was standing on could shatter into pieces. He'd survived. He always had. He'd pick himself up and get going, continue his search to stop the Goa'uld. Without Jack.

Jack had come back, though. Jack was still his friend. But renewing that faith, when he knew how painful it could be when it broke into nothing, was hard. He just didn't want to feel that way again. Having no faith was safer.

Eventually, he was going to have to talk about this with Jack because their friendship mattered to him. But not anytime soon.

He was just too damn tired now.

"Here we are," Sam stopped abruptly in front of a huge, classic building.

Oh, dammit. "...Church?"

"Yup. I remembered they're having a special service for Good Friday night." She started up the stone stairs, in front of a large wooden gate. "You coming?"

Daniel contemplated, looking up at the impressive cross hanging at the top of the church. It felt as if Christ was looking down on him, whispering 'Eli, Eli, Lama Sabachthani?'

He didn't want to go in.

Sensing hesitation, Sam stepped down and stood in front of him. "I believe in heaven too, did you know that?"

He shook his head. It seemed there were many things he didn't know about her.

Sam was smiling again, "Well, I do, but not the heaven as the bible describes it. If you have faith in something, this world, here," she waved her hand in the air, drawing a circle, "is heaven for you, because you believe in something completely. It's a bless. To be able to believe in something without a doubt, with absolute conviction."

She sighed dramatically and said, "Okay, so did I make a fool of myself by giving my two cents about religion and faith in front of a genius who studies people and history for a living?"

Never. "Nope, you really made your case."

Daniel realized he was smiling.

She smiled even broadly, if that was possible. "You'll never have to lose your faith in us. The Colonel, Teal'c and me. I promise."

The renewal of faith. Resurrection.

Could it be this simple?

The sun was hanging on the horizon, casting two long shadows behind them. The last ray of the sinking sun touched Sam's hair.

Her flaming golden hair burned his periphery.

"Have faith in me, in us, Daniel."

She stepped up to the stairs and turned. Her hand was extended, for him to hold.

"Coming?" She smiled.

He took her hand. This was his faith.

"Yes."

He wasn't tired anymore.


About | Archive | Submissions | Links | Statistical Outliers

Posted 7 May 2000.
Stargate SG-1 and all associated characters are property of MGM, Gekko and Showtime,
and used here for entertainment purposes only. Stories are copyright to the author;
do not repost or redistribute without author's permission.